Need You Now
by live and alone
Summary: Rachel and Finn are both reeling with their feelings for each other, after the Quinn/Puck disaster. How will they come together? Or will they choose to not be together?
1. Chapter 1

Glee: Need You Now

With the back nine approaching, I decided to write my stories for things I'd like to see happen. I have no rights to Glee, or the Gleekers. I just do this for fun.

Chapter 1

_If only._ That was all Rachel Berry could think. _If only._ It had been a few weeks since they'd won sectionals, and everyone was so excited to get ready for the next step...REGIONALS. But everything was not the same. Finn hadn't been the same. Finn Hudson, star athlete, star of the Glee club, and star of Rachels heart, had been distant, cold. Rachel had to be the one to break it to Finn that his then girlfriend Quinn Fabray, who was pregnant, was not actually pregnant with his child, but his best friends child. Finn had flipped, and almost didn't come to sectionals, but he came. And only after Rachel had given a superb performance of "Don't Rain on My Parade," they all brought it home and won.

Rachel loved Finn. It was really no shock. What was a shock though, was her new found friendship with Quinn. It wasn't like they were besties or anything. Rachel didn't expect Quinn to call her to go to the mall or anything, but they had been getting along lately. _But if only._ Rachel wanted it all to go back. Now she was sitting in her bedroom, awaiting the time that Finn would notice her again. But Rachel wasn't sure that was ever going to happen. She stood and walked to her window, staring out of the window into the dark sky. She grabbed a tie, and put her hair into a ponytail and just stared. She began to sing to herself, as she did every night lately.

_I didn't hear you leave. I wonder how am I still here._

_ I don't want to move a thing, It might change my memory._

_ Oh, I am what I am. I'll do what I want. But I can't hide._

_ I won't go. I won't sleep. I can't breathe until you're resting here with me._

Dido had become her singing obsession lately. Maybe it was the depressive quality to it. Maybe it was the fact that it was soothing. But It seemed to express Rachel really well these days. She couldn't really lie about it. When she told Finn about Quinn and Puck, she was hoping that Finn would rush into her arms. He didn't, and she understood it, logically. He needed time to process. Rachel just knew though, that she couldn't keep pining forever. It wasn't healthy. She watched him fade after sectionals, and become sort of a shadow of himself. She wanted to help him, but maybe she couldn't do anything. But her heart told her different. She realized she had stopped singing, to go into introspective thought.

Rachel climbed into bed and turned out the light. She laid there in bed, and her mind began to race. Usually, her nightly routine was a good sing to something Celine or Barbara, then she'd curl up in bed and try to imagine her Behind the Music in her head. It was usually a good one. A nice jewish girl, raised in a home with a normal family, both dads employed and giving her the support she needed, followed by her trip to college, where she graduated with a degree in music, only to land a record deal. The first album would win her praise, and she would continue to release hit after hit, album after album, with a detour on Broadway. She dreamed of joining the diva elite ranks: Barbara Streisand, Celine Dion, Melissa Etheridge, Dolly Parton, Madonna, Cher. The one thing that would keep her grounded, was her husband Finn Hudson, someone who loved her from the beginning. That's what she used to see before she went to sleep. Now, it was reliving the moment she told Finn, and watching him freak out. She rolled over, and prayed that she could find some peace.

***

Finn Hudson laid in bed, waiting to fall asleep. But like every night since sectionals, he just laid there. It wasn't fair! Quinn and Puck did the bad things, yet why was his conscious paying for it? Why was it him to feel bad? He didn't understand these feelings inside of him. He felt lost, not in control. But he's a man, so he couldn't really talk about these feelings. So what was left? No one but Finn, and he's never been one to self analyze.

Quinn had really stabbed him. In the gut. That's exactly it. He had been walking around, day in day out, with a butcher knife in the stomach, with blood gushing everywhere. People could see his guts as he walked around, class to class, with people seeing his guts. He tried to use this comparison when talking about it to his mom once. She didn't like it. Maybe it's a guy thing.

He couldn't help thinking about Rachel. What was she doing? What was she wearing? What was she thinking? Finn always had a thing for Rachel, but he was with Quinn. Now? He felt like a squashed little bug. But being around Rachel always made him feel like there were two of him. One of him just wanted to smile all the time with her. She made him feel like he was walking on air, which was confusing because you'd think if someone was walking on air, they would fall over more, since there was nothing to steady you. Finn knew about falling down, so imagine what would have happen if...maybe this is what everyone meant when they said he lost his train of thought easily. Where was he? Oh...Rachel.

That one him felt so good. But there's that other Finn, the one that was around whether Rachel was around or not. He was darker, gloomier, quieter. He didn't really want to talk to anyone. He felt defeated. He didn't like that feeling. But Rachel brought out the happier Finn. How is he supposed to figure out what he wants, when he can't decide what he feels? It was so confusing...Quinn, Rachel, neither...what does he want? He laid there, and the same song kept popping into his head.

_I won't leave. I can't hide. I cannot be until you're resting here with me._

He rolled over and and waited until an answer came to him, but sleep finally got him before he could figure anything out.

***

The sun shone in and lit up the school hallway, as Rachel opened her locker. She opened her backpack and began unloading books. All she wanted was to see Finn, but when he sees her, he seems to shrink away. "Berry." She turned to see Quinn standing there, staring at her intensely. "Fabray." She said back. They seemed to be having a stare down, before Quinn starting giggling. "What's up?" Quinn asked. "Nothing much." Rachel responded. As she answered, Rachel looked over Quinn, to Quinn's left, to her right...no sign of Finn.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asked, still scanning for Finn. Rachel always asked how Quinn was doing, because over time Rachel realized she cared about Quinn's babys welfare. "Fine. I'm just ready for this to be over." Quinn said. "Oh, well it will be soon." Rachel said. She closed her locker and realized her school day didn't start for another ten minutes. "Have you thought about songs you might want to do solo in Glee?" Quinn asked. Mr. Schu had asked them to think of songs that they felt defined their style, their voice. He had wanted them to work on their solo efforts. "I can't think of anything." Quinn said. "Well, with your voice Quinn, I would go classic, standards. Not that I don't think you have a pop voice, but I know my vocal standards pretty well and I have practiced, for many years to make myself more versatile in my sound. You sound really good doing more classic, softer songs." Rachel pointed out. It was usually a moment like that that would make someone mad at her. Quinn seemed to take it in stride though. "Really?" She asked. "Yeah. You're voice is suited for those classic songs, or more contemporary songs that have a softer tone." "I was thinking 'Angel' for my baby, by Sarah McLachan." Quinn said. Rachel turned around to scan behind her...still nothing. "You would sound beautiful doing that." Rachel said.

The bell rang to warn the students they had five minutes to get to class. "We better go." Rachel said. Quinn just reached out and grabbed Rachels arm and said, "Give him time." Rachel just stopped and looked at Quinn and realized she meant Finn. Rachel nodded and the two turned to walk to class. Rachel wanted to see him so bad, but she understood Quinn's advice. The problem is, how much longer could she wait?

***

Finn had turned down the hallway to walk to his first class, but froze when he saw Rachel at her locker. She was so beautiful, and he couldn't help but smile. But then, _she_ walked up to Rachel. Quinn was still beautiful, with a bit of a baby bump starting to show. Quinn was his love, and he felt the knife in his stomach again. He had to turn around and head the other direction. He couldn't face either of them. He turned a corner and started to head in another direction. He was walking at a brisk pace, when he heard, "Mr. Hudson." He turned to see Mercedes Jones, another member of Glee standing at her locker. "Where are you off to so fast?" "Biology. Mr. Keller hates it when I'm late." "I just want you to know, that I'm sorry about all that's happened." Mercedes said. He appreciated the thought. "Thanks." He said, and he turned to walk away, but Mercedes grabbed his shoulder. "Wait a minute." Finn turned to look at Mercedes. "I understand that after what happened with Quinn, that you need time. But we need you back."

Finn wasn't prepared for that. He stood there stunned. "Back?" He asked. "You've been different since sectionals, and-" "I know." Finn interrupted. "For the good of Glee, you need me back, right?" "No." Mercedes answered. "We need to back because you're our friend. Whatever happened with Quinn, with Puck, or even with Rachel, the rest of us, Artie, Tina, Me, everyone else, miss their friend." He just looked at her. "I-I gotta..." He couldn't think of a response. He looked at her and just said, "I gotta go." He walked away from Mercedes and walked as fast as he could to his class.

Finn powered away, and his thoughts were racing. _Rachel. Quinn. Mercedes. Glee. Basketball. Football. Knife in stomach. _These thoughts kept repeating over, and over, and over. It was too much. He needed it to be easier. He felt himself sink, and for the rest of the day, darker, shadow Finn seemed to take over.

***

It was the end of the school day, and Rachel was frustrated. She saw Finn once, and he just looked at her, and walked in the other direction. She didn't understand what she was doing wrong. She had smiled, she had waved, she had tried to be friendly. Yet, he still turned and walked in the other direction. It was beginning to get to be too much. This obsession was not healthy for her, and that's who she had to worry about...herself.

But she couldn't stop worrying about Finn. She sat at the piano, in the auditorium and just sighed. She began to play a few notes, and she started to sing.

_If tomorrow never comes, I would do it all again._

She had had Jennifer Love Hewitts song "You" in her head for days.

_ If the light never breaks through, I would stay until the end._

_ If I saved it all for you, I would have my faith again. _

_ Then, then I would know it's you._

That's all she'd ever really wanted, a clue. She had put all of her faith into a man, who had a pregnant girlfriend, who had trouble facing up to himself. Rachel stood up, and grabbed her bag from underneath the piano and walked out, praying that somewhere out there was her man waiting for her, or the strength to say goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Rachel sat at the local diner, waiting for her cup of chicken noodle soup. It was late, and she'd just finished her piano lesson, and she knew she couldn't sit at home another night. "Go out and meet your friends." Dad One would tell her. "I don't really have friends Dad." She'd respond. "We don't believe that kitten." Dad Two would always say after that. So tonight, she told them she was meeting Mercedes and Kurt at the diner. Luckily, they didn't see her grab her book as she headed out the door. So there she sat, in a diner, by herself, reading the biography of Julie Andrews. It was pretty empty in there, and Rachel was ok with it. She needed time to think anyway, even though that's all she'd been doing for the past few weeks, months, years.

She thought she was crazy. She is a star! Why should she tie herself down to an immature little boy, who can't decide what he wants? But one look in those eyes, and one look at that smile, that quirky little smile, and you'd have to mop Rachel up off the floor with a swiffer wet jet. He was her everything, and she wanted to be with him so bad...but what was her limit?

She heard the diner door open and was shocked to see the basketball team pile in. Then, Finn walked in. He turned and saw her, and she smiled and waved. He gave her this deer in headlights look, a quick choppy wave and then sat down, facing away from her. She sighed. The waiter brought her soup, and she picked up her spoon, preparing to eat it as fast as she could so she could leave.

***

Finn had seen her the minute he walked in. How could he not? She was so beautiful, he was drawn to her every second of the day. He looked at her, and then she saw him! She smiled and waved at him! He giggled inside...but a strong, manly giggle, you know, the way that men do. Anyway, the whole team was watching and he wasn't sure how to react because he didn't know what he wanted anyway. So he gave her a quick wave and sat down. "Dude, you are so whipped." Finn looked over at Puck and just stared at him. Puck knew the rules. You knock up my girlfriend, you don't talk to me. "Well, come on Finn." Mike Chang said. "It's pretty obvious you like her. I mean, in Glee, there was an obvious tension. Maybe-" "Stop." Finn said. "I'll go say hello."

He took in a breath and stood up and started to walk towards her. She was reading a book on that chick that was in that movie where she twirled on a mountain and sang about about her favorite things. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and he had to smile because she still looked so pretty with it in any hair style. "Hey." he said, as he reached the table. "Hi." She said sweetly. "So, how's it going?" He asked. "Good. You?" "Good." Then, the silence came. They both just sat there, waiting for the other to ask what was so obvious needed to be asked. "Ok, so bye." Finn said and he turned and went back to his table. It was too much, he liked her too much. He couldn't do it again. What if he got hurt again? What if Puck knocked her up too? Then there'd be another broken heart for Finn, and another Puck baby, a diva baby with a mohawk. He could help but picture a little girl, dressed like Rachel at sectionals, with a mohawk, singing "Don't Rain on My Parade." He looked over his shoulder, and saw she had packed up and left. He let his head slam on the table. We wanted to smack some sense into him. No sense. Just a bump. _OW!_

***

Rachel had seen Finn get up, and quickly grabbed her book. She wanted to look busy. Even though, imagine what it must look like to be sitting in a diner, alone, eating soup. The conversation was quick, and awkward. But when he walked away, as quickly as he could, she felt like her heart had been punched a little. She saw him sit down, and she saw Puck laugh a little, and she knew she had to get out of there. she put her cash down, grabbed her stuff and walked out. He never looked up, didn't notice she was leaving.

The walk home was sad. Rachel stared at the stars, and she wished on every single one that this could all become clear. Why was she so gifted in talent, because let's face it, if anyone had the voice to do anything in this town, it's her, but in love all she was was a kicked around little girl? She realized she'd walked in the complete wrong direction, and had ended up by the school, so she went and sat in the bleachers.

_I don't mind it. I still don't mind at all._

_ It's like one of those bad dreams where you can't wake up._

_ Look's like you've given up, you've had enough, but I want more._

_ No I won't stop, cause I just know you'll come around right, right?_

She couldn't help but sing to herself. Her voice was usually the thing to make her happy. But lately, she found the sad songs to sing, the ones that expressed her emotions. Pinks, "I Don't Believe You" really expressed her feelings.

_I don't believe you when you say don't come around here no more._

_ I won't remind you you said we wouldn't be apart._

_ Just don't stand there and watch me fall..._

Rachel was getting tired of these games.

***

Finn laid in bed the same way he did the night before, and the weeks before that. He could only picture Rachel, in that diner, all alone. Part of him just wanted to sit there and hold her hand. But there's another part of him who just didn't care. He just wanted to figure out who he was, without Quinn, without his reputation. What if Quinn was the love of his life, and he lost her? Maybe he wasn't good enough. He got up and walked down stairs, to see his mother sitting at the table.

"What are you doing up?" She asked. "Couldn't sleep." He said. He said down next to her. "Again? Baby, what's the matter?" He didn't know what to say. "Quinn, huh?" She asked. He looked at her. "Partly. It feels like I have that knife in my gut, with blood everywhere..." "Oh, this again." His mother mumbled. "Listen," she said, interrupting his thought. "What Quinn did was terrible, and part of me will hate her forever for hurting my baby. But," Finn didn't know exactly what the 'but' meant. "...she's a baby herself. She did wrong, but now she's going to have a baby herself." Finn looked down, remembering how he wanted to do right by her and little Drizzle. "You can't keep beating yourself up over something you didn't do. She made the decisions she made, you can't hold yourself responsible. And you can't keep yourself from being happy." Finn looked up and just stared at his mother.

"You can't let heartbreak hold you back. You can't blame yourself." Finn looked down again. How did she know? His mother put her hand on his shoulder. "You need to be able to move on." Finn got up and walked to the sink, to get a glass of water. "It's hard to Mom. Look at what she did. I even sang to the sonogram!" "I know Finn. You would have really been great to her and the baby. But think, maybe that's why Quinn put up the charade. I'm sorry, but Noah Puckerman? Can you imagine him being a dad?" Finn chuckled. Puck was always more worried about what woman was walking by, rather than the one he was with. "Finn, don't take it out on yourself because Quinn made a bad choice."

He drank his glass of water and he placed the glass in the sink. "And don't take it out on Rachel." She went there. He spun around and stared at her. "What?" was all he could muster. "Rachel may be a diva. She may be overconfident in her abilities. She may be the kind who wants the spotlight." Finn nodded. Those were Rachels qualities. "But, I think that-" "Mom. I can't talk about it right now. I have to go to bed." He kissed his mother on the head, and walked up stairs.

_Great. Does everyone think I should be with Rachel? I don't even know if I should be with Rachel._ He laid in bed, and his brain kept racing. _Rachel, Quinn, Drizzle, Puck, Glee, Mom, sonogram_. Why couldn't his brain stop? He jumped out of bed, and threw on a pair of jeans and climbed out his window. He started walking, hoping the night air would bring him some answers. It was nice out. There were so many stars in the sky, and sometimes, on a night like this, Finn liked to imagine what it would be like, to sit on a star, and just stare at the earth. He liked the image of him staring down, seeing everything from above. It'd be easier that way. He wouldn't have to be involved in everything anymore. He could just be up there, watching everything else. Sometimes, he thought about these things.

The night air, didn't ease anything. He kept walking waiting for that moment, that all would be understood, but that moment still hadn't come. If he lived on that star, he wouldn't have to deal with Quinn, with Puck, with Drizzle drama, or with his own feelings about himself, or Rachel Berry. If he lived on a star, he could be detached. If he lived on that star...

Suddenly he realized he was standing on the football field, and he turned to see Rachel standing on the bleachers, staring at the school, with her back to him. He knew that it was her, and his heart raced. Even just from behind, she had a way of making his heart race. This didn't help anything. He needed time to sort through it all. He turned around to walk home, and he stopped. He should say something to her. He should tell her how he feels. He should. But instead, he walked home. He climbed back in through the window, removed his jeans, and got back into bed. Then, he passed out, probably due to the mental exhaustion.

***

Rachel saw Finn coming, and stood up and turned around. She didn't want him to think she was waiting for him, but she wanted him to come to her. He didn't she turned to see him walking away. He stopped, and she held her breath. "Turn around. Turn around." she mumbled. She waited, and she waited, then she saw him starting walking again. She couldn't stop the tears, as she grabbed her stuff and ran home. She got into her room, changed into her pajamas.

She got under her comforter and felt herself start to drift off. As she did, all she could see is Finn, as he sang to her when the Glee club sang "Somebody to Love." She loved him, but when was he going to see that?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Rachel woke up the next morning, saturday morning, and rolled over. The sun shone through the window, and normally Rachel would have been up and would have gone right onto her elliptical. However, with everything that's happened, she didn't feel like it. She got up, and she put on her pink fuzzy bathrobe and turned on the radio. Nothing good was on, so she turned it off, and she walked down to the kitchen. Both her dads had gone on a business trip for the weekend, and she seemed to be the only teenager she knew that could be trusted to be left alone for the weekend.

She turned on the stove, and made herself some eggs, and toast. She sat down at the table, put a napkin on her lap and began to eat. All she could ask herself what Finn was doing. Was Finn eating eggs too? She stopped eating and just sat at the table. This was becoming an obsession, and the one thing Rachel Berry did not have time for was an obsession. People were to obsess about stars, the stars were not to obsess about the people.

She got into the shower, and she usually busted into song. Only today she could barely muster a hum. She got out and did the dishes, all very ho hum. Suddenly she heard her text message ringtone go off. She picked it up, and saw it was from Mercedes. It said, "Mr. Schu called an emergency Glee rehearsal. New number for you to lead in. 11:00am. Normal spot." _New Number?_ Of course Mr. Schu wanted her to lead. He's obviously gotten over this whole, everyone needs to participate and get a chance to sing solo attitude, and realized that Rachel was the true star. She started to get her stuff together, and it dawned on her that she'd see Finn there. Her heart skipped a beat, but it was Glee. Everyone was counting on her, and she knew that she couldn't let them down. She grabbed her bag, and walked out, wondering about this new number, and wondering what she'd do when she saw Finn.

***

Finn laid in bed, just staring at the ceiling. Usually, he'd have woken up, done some private things, and then gone downstairs for breakfast. Instead, he couldn't bring himself to go downstairs. He just laid there, wishing that he could understand why he felt so heavy. He felt like someone had tied weights to wrists, and ankles. He got out of bed, and hobbled to the bathroom to pee. After he got out, he crawled back into bed, only to hear his phone go off.

It was a text message from Mercedes. Mr. Schu wanted him to take the lead in a new number. Hopefully it was something rock, or something that he can dance to. Those kinds of numbers are the most fun, because he doesn't have to think about real life for a while. Some of the slower numbers made him think about Quinn, and Rachel, and his own situation. He grabbed a pair of jeans, and got ready for the rehearsal. He's learned to deal with Puck, even though he wanted to just grab his mohawk, swing him around, and chuck him across the auditorium. He'd learned to deal with Quinn, even though he pictured her with devil horns. It was just Rachel. How can he look at her, without feeling like the world was melting away, but the world came crashing in. He took a deep breath and got ready for the rehearsal.

***

Rachel walked up to the school, wearing her new diva sunglasses. If the paparazzi were to spring forth, at a moments notice, she knew she'd be ready to dodge them. She walked in the school door, and stopped at her locker to get her Glee music folder. She turned to see Finn walking through the hall door. She froze, and he looked at her and said, "Hey Rachel." His 'Hey Rachel' was very staccato and awkward. "Hey Finn." She said, as she closed her locker. "I wonder what this new number is." She said as the two turned to walk to the Glee room. Finn sighed and said, "I don't know, I hope it's something we can dance to." "Yeah." Rachel said. It was kind of strained, and the two walked the hallways in silence. They walked in the room to see no one. "The text did say 11am right?" Rachel asked. Finn nodded. They walked over to the piano, and Rachel saw a note taped to it. "Read Me." Rachel read out loud. She grabbed the paper and opened it.

"Dear Rachel and Finn,

This drama gotta stop. You two need to figure out your deal, so we can all move forward as a group together. Do NOT leave this room until you figure out what's happening between you.

Mercedes."

Finn just stared at the floor, as Rachel finished reading. "Huh." was all she could say afterwards. "What are they talking about huh?" Finn said with a chuckle. Rachel just stared at him. He wouldn't even make eye contact with her! "Finn, how do you feel about me?" Rachel asked, as she hid her hands behind her back. She knew that her soon to be oscar winning acting talents could mask the fear in her face, but her hands wouldn't stop trembling, with the fear of rejection. "You're my friend Rachel." She just stared at him. "Your friend? Is that really it? I'm your friend, even though you can barely look at me or be around me? I think it's more than that, we're more than that."

"Well, what do you want from me?" Finn was getting louder, more antsy. He couldn't believe that she was coming at him like this! Especially when he'd been asking himself the same questions over and over and over and over again for the last few weeks. "What I want are answers! Why is it that I can't stop thinking about you every second of everyday Finn? Why is it that all I do is wonder how you're doing Finn? Does Finn think about me the same way? Will he decide to even speak to me today? Will today be the day he decides to love me, or to leave me high and dry? What I want is to understand what we're doing here." Rachel couldn't believe she'd just said all of that, and Finn just stared at her. "You know," he started to say. "None of this is easy for me. I was in love, ok? I didn't need any of this. And then all of a sudden, the carpet got ripped out from under my feet, and my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. And then YOU tell me the kid isn't mine! So excuse me for having an emotional reaction to everything that keeps going on around me!"

"Right. Poor poor Finn." Rachel said, pretty snarky. He looked at her and said, "What is that supposed to mean?" Rachel just looked at him. "Finn, I seem to remember you kissing me in the auditorium, _while_ you were dating Quinn." Finn walked to a chair and sat down. He couldn't believe this. They were yelling at each other. Rachel sat down next to him. "I don't wanna fight with you Finn, but I don't want either of us to miss out on something that could be fantastic." "You mean us?" He asked. "Yes." She answered. "Us. But even if it's on our own, or with other people. We won't know unless we try." She placed her hand on his and he jumped up, away from her reach. "You know, it wasn't like this before. I wasn't this person. I was so happy, and she ripped into my chest, and pulled out my heart and she'd holding it hostage, while the world goes on around me, and I don't know how I feel anymore ok. Sometimes, I think that you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen! But sometimes, after her, the idea of being with anyone else sickens me, because I don't want to deal with this anymore. I want everything to be ok and it's not."

Rachel just stared at Finn. This was a new light. He was open, and honest, and actually kind of sexy. But there was this nagging part of Rachel that kept getting louder and louder. _Walk away._ She didn't want to, lord knows she couldn't imagine leaving the idea of him, but he wouldn't budge. "I just, can't figure out what I'm supposed to do here." Finn said. "As opposed to what? Why condemn us both to lingering misery, when we can just end it, or become what we could be. This is is Finn. This is the big time. We're almost adults." He turned away, but she still spoke. "You are so strong Finn." She could feel the tears building, and she fought them. "I have loved you for years! I've watched you shrink away from me, after Quinn. Quinn should have kept her pants on, but that's not your fault. You shouldn't punish yourself by cornering yourself away from love, because it's not fair. Quinn did a horrible thing. But now it's time to move on."

"Move onto you?" Finn asked. "Move onto whatever it is that gives you bliss." Rachel answered, "whether or not it's me." "I can't." Finn said. He walked over to the window and just stared onto the baseball field. "You know, a few months ago, Quinn and I were sitting in those bleachers, and I told her I was in love with her. I told her I'd do anything for her. And she goes and spreads her legs to the first mohawk she can come across. How am I supposed to be ok after that? How do I know you won't do the same thing?" Rachel saw red. "Do the same thing?! FINN HUDSON I HAVE BEEN WALKING AROUND THIS SCHOOL FOR MONTHS ACTING LIKE A LAPDOG." She was yelling, and Finn was stunned into silence. "This is the moment Finn. It's time to make a choice, because I can't keep pushing myself, and forcing myself to lay back in the shadow because there's an off chance you may want to be with me. It's time to make that decision. Do you want to be with me, or no?" Finn was just silent. "Uh, I m-mean, I g-guess that it could be-" "No." Rachel said. "No more thinking. No more healing. Just you and me."

She walked right up to him, and looked him right in the eyes. "Do you want to be with me or not?" There was so much to consider. He didn't even know how he felt yet. Why can't they just pretend a bit, take it slow, give him time. "You and me." Rachel whispered. He wanted to kiss her, in that moment, so badly. "I..." he started to answer, but stopped. Rachel began to cry, and he reached out to touch her face, but she pulled back. "It's ok. I get it. You want it all. You want all of the options." Finn couldn't stand to see her cry. "But here's the thing," she said. "I do not want to be this Rachel anymore. I will not allow you to make me feel like I'm nothing. I'm quite a damn woman, Finn. I don't want to be the prize you settle for." The both stood there, completely silent. "I-" he had started to say again, but again Rachel interrupted him. "It's ok, really. But I have to do what's best for me. So maybe it's time I start letting go." Rachel grabbed her bag, tears falling from her eyes, with no control. "It's time to call it like it is. I have to do what's best for me here." Rachel walked to the door and, as she placed her hand on the doorknob, stopped long enough to say, "I hope you figure out what's best for you." She walked out.

Finn couldn't believe what had just transpired. He had lost her. He sat down hard, and he just stared at the blackboard. He wasn't dating her, but he felt as if he and Quinn had just broken up again.

***

Rachel ran home, but with all the crying she did in that room, she suddenly found she had no tears. At least now she knew, and she could figure out what her next step was. But she couldn't help but wonder, How is it one lives without their soulmate? She didn't know, but all she knew was that there wouldn't be a them. She had been thinking she would hit her limit. Now that she has, it was actually a bit freeing. Rachel now had to move on with her life. She looked out the window at a nest of baby birds and thought, _A new day..._

* * *

UHOH! trouble in paradise? what will happen? Will finn and rachel fulfill their finchel destiny, or will ghosts of puck and quinn keep them apart? I've got another two chapters in me guys, for this story anyway. keep reading and reviewing!!!

dedicated to THE MINSK~the best friend I could ask for.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Rachel walked into school, and just took a breath. It had been a week since her breakdown, and fight with Finn. She still couldn't believe she said those things, not because she regretted them, but because she didn't realize she would ever have the strength to stand her ground. She was in withdrawal from Finn. She still dreamed about him, yearned for him at moments, could still smell his fragrance, and taste his kiss, but she would not falter from what she believed was the best strategic move. Being a true diva, meant she had to move forward to further her career. Love was taking the backseat for a bit.

As she navigated these halls, this past week, Finn had tried to get her attention, but not as much as she'd hoped. Part of her wanted him to take back everything he'd said, and take her and kiss her and tell her everything would be alright. He'd say hello at Glee, they'd interact in song, but she sensed it was more awkward for the other Glee members, than it was for her. You could tell. But they didn't talk to Rachel as much as they didn't before. Finn was more popular with people than she was, she wasn't in denial. But Glee wasn't about friends, she thought it could be, but it wasn't. Glee was her time to showcase her abilities, a chance to creatively express the musicality of her soul and her heart. She didn't need to go out with these people to do that.

She didn't want to be a victim, so when Mercedes tried to grill her in the bathroom, or when Artie tried to get her to talk about it in the halls, she wouldn't tell anyone what happened. She didn't know if and what Finn had told them, but she didn't need to run her mouth about it. She just preferred that it all die down, and everyone could get back to performing, which is what it was all about anyway. It was simple. She had loved, she had lost, and now she was moving on. It wasn't as hard as she thought. It was only hard when she saw him, and she made sure that she didn't see him, as much as she could control.

This morning was no different than any of the other mornings this week. Rachel walked in the building, and saw two other Glee members, Brittany and Santana, who were also cheerleaders, snicker at her. They never liked the way she dressed, but at least she didn't wear the same damn thing everyday, and at least she wasn't afraid to admit when she loved someone. It was so obvious they were into each other. Rachel should know, her two Dads gave her some perspective. Rachel got to her locker, and as she emptied her bag, she turned to see Finn to her left. He was leaning against the locker next to her, and just said, "Hi." She looked at him. "Hello Finn. What can I do for you?" she asked, as she turned back to her locker to get her books for the next few periods. Finn just looked at her. "Are you still mad at me?" Without looking at him, she responded, "No. I was never mad Finn. Just disappointed." "Why aren't you looking at me?" Finn asked. Rachel sighed. "I'm getting my books Finn." What she wanted to say, was that she couldn't look at him, because if she did, she'd let her guard down, turn to mush, and allow all the emotion to come rushing back. She had to be strong. She promised herself this Finn/Rachel torture would be over, and now it was time to stick to her guns. No, if she looked at him, she'd stare right into those eyes, which had both the innocence of a young boy, and the emotional intensity of a man. She'd see that smile that could make anyone weak in the knees. She'd see his face, which made her heart beat through her chest, and stop all at the same time. No, if she looked at him, it'd all be over.

So, instead, she found herself avoiding his gaze. She closed her locker and said, "Have a good day Finn." She walked away, and she could feel his gaze burning through the back of her head.

***

Finn couldn't believe she blew him off like that. All he wanted was to still be her friend, but it seems with girls it's all or nothing. Look at Quinn, she chose it all, Finn as the loyal boyfriend, and Puck, the naked mohawked man in her bed. He turned and walked to his own locker, wishing that this was easier. He knew he made the right decision. What's the use of leading her on, when he didn't know what it was he wanted? He didn't know if he was in the right space to love someone, and have someone love him.

The whole day, it was like he was in a fog, but that wasn't really different from the previous week. Finn had walked away from the fight with Rachel, as if he had been punched in the nads REALLY HARD. He got home and went straight to bed, getting up only to pee. School hadn't made it easier. Everyone wanted to know what happened between him and Rachel, but he wouldn't tell him. The only two people who didn't ask, were Puck, which is no surprise, since if Puck even uttered a word to him, Finn would have knocked his teeth out and glued them to his mohawk, and Quinn, who never really seemed to care about anyone but herself. He didn't tell the others what happened, he just told them it didn't end well.

Singing with Rachel wasn't easy. Finn just wasn't as good of an actor as Rachel. Rachel could sing her heart out, and be able to pretend she was whatever character was singing that song. The only insight he'd gotten from her was when Mr. Schu told her to sing what she was feeling, and she sang "Where Does My Heart Beat Now?" by that chick that she liked so much, the one that is married to the old dude, what was her name? Oh yeah, Celine Dion, the same chick who sang that sappy song while the Titanic sank. He tried to look her in the eyes, while they practiced "No Air," but Rachel, who was staring him right in the eyes, wasn't there. Her eyes showed she was just going through the motions, but she wasn't really looking at him. He used to love the way she looked, and saw, right through him. Now, it was like no one was home, and he felt like there was nothing he could do to bring her back to him. All he knew is, he wanted her to be his friend at least, but what was the cost of loving a man that wasn't sure how he felt about you?

Finn just wanted it all to be normal again, but nothing seemed to help. He barely saw her anymore. When he tried to say hello to her, he got this ice cold response that made him want to cry, because he could feel how turned off from him she was. He always thought she'd be there. She was Rachel, nothing would ever change them. Now, it was as if someone had put them in the freezer, and now had Finn and Rachel ice pops. He couldn't bear to think of her not with him, but the idea of him with her made him nervous. He wasn't sure he was ready, didn't she understand that?

That week had been horrendous, making him feel each day like he'd lost another part of him. He felt empty, hollow, like nothing was in there anymore. He'd wanted to make another butcher knife comparison, but his mother threatened to put his white football uniform in the washer with her red sweater, which would turn it pink, if he did it again. Rachel would find that threat funny, if she still were speaking to him. He really blew it this time.

***

Rachel sat in her living room, fiddling on the piano. She was playing and singing Jewel's song "Perfectly Clear."

_I can't quite pinpoint when it left, or what for._

_ Love always steps lightly away from the door._

_Please don't open your mouth my dear._

_ I can read all the signs, I can take it from here._

_ There's no need to explain, no need to explain cause it's_

_ Perfectly clear._

She stopped playing, and she sighed. The key to this, was to remain busy, active, to distract herself from the intense sadness she felt. The problem was, most people kept busy with work or friends. All of her homework was done, she'd read the biographies of Julie Andrews and Melissa Etheridge, cleaned her room from top to bottom, and rearranged the books and cds in the house so many times, that if she lost another Better Midler cd, her dads were going to shoot her. So she got up and headed out, back to the diner to sit, since her dads would be home soon, and she told them she had plans with Kurt and Mercedes again. She didn't have the heart to tell them she didn't, that she was just a lonely, heartbroken girl trying to move on on her own.

The walk was nice. The sun was shining, and people were everywhere. All the little kids were at the playground by her house, screaming and giggling. She stopped and watched the kids for a few minutes, smiling to herself has she watched innocence in action. She watched children who never thought about the what ifs, but worried about the what is. She turned and walked back to the diner, stopping briefly at the library to return the Melissa Etheridge book, and got one on Judy Garland. Diva research was important..

***

Finn sat at his desk, and he couldn't concentrate. He had been at his math ditto for about an hour, and there still wasn't an answer on the page. There was so much on his mind, that it hurt. It was like someone had put his brain on fast forward. It was going so fast, all of the time, that he could barely decide what he was thinking about, much less decide anything about any of the thoughts. And the worst part, was that there was no one else for him to blame. He'd wanted to blame Puck, but he's always been a whore. He'd wanted to blame his decision to be in Glee, but it had been the one insight into himself. The best he had, was to blame Quinn. She had betrayed him, and now he seemed incapable of trusting anyone else. But it wasn't all Quinn. He needed to man up, and realize that Quinn was not Rachel.

There was no easy solution. And as confused as he was, he still wanted to be there to comfort Rachel. He wanted to ease her pain, and make her smile again, and her smile was one of the only things that could make his most sour mood, into one of pure joy. If only he knew what to do.

He looked back at his homework. Stupid algebra...

***

She couldn't help but feel responsible. She looked in the mirror and said, "Quinn...time to make it right."

* * *

What does Quinn have up her pregnant sleeve? And will Rachel and Finn get it together, or call it quits for good? Next chapters the last chapter of the story. REVIEW!

Live and Alone


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Rachel had been living two weeks, on her quest to rid herself of Finn Hudson. She was doing pretty well. The shaking had stopped, the dreams were ceasing, it was only this feeling of being empty that she was worried about. But she was doing a lot to keep busy! It turned out she could get so much more accomplished in the time she'd usually used to think about Finn, fantasize about Finn, dream of Finn, stare at Finn...he basically took up a huge chunk of her time. Now, she'd gotten most of her projects done for the rest of the semester, and even joined another club, the newspaper. She had decided she would write a column in each issue, all about things that bugged Rachel. The column was called, "In a Divas Eye." She loved the title, and she already knew her first focus...how men viciously find powerful women and tear them down.

Rachel had still been doing great in Glee rehearsals, but the _zing_ seemed to be gone. She had been trying, but everyone seemed to have disconnected. Everyone was fighting over what to do. Puck and Finn were obviously not speaking, nor were Finn and Rachel, though he wouldn't leave her alone. Mercedes wanted to take the lead, which Rachel couldn't really believe. Sometimes, Mercedes did nothing but think about herself! Didn't she realize that the group needed Rachel as their female lead, if not their lead in general, because Rachel had the drive, talent and intelligence to get them to the top? Sometimes, Mercedes thought too much of herself.

This morning, Rachel was seated in the library, with her books open, preparing stories for her first column, surrounded by articles and books and biographies, anything she could get her hands on, that could give her examples of men trying to destroy powerful women. As she was knee deep in Britney Spears and Kevin Federline nonsense, she heard someone sit next to her. "Jacob, I've told you. Now that we're both reporters, it doesn't mean I have to sleep with you." she said, without looking up. She heard a higher pitched chuckle, and then, "So, that's why Jacob has been walking around spraying Calvin Kleins 'Men's' fragrance." She turned to see Quinn sitting next to her. "Oh, sorry." Rachel remarked with a bit of a giggle. "Jacob is relentless, just because I'm single, and now work with the paper, that we can have a sordid sexual relationship."

Quinn smiled and looked down, "Well, how are you?" she asked. "Great." Rachel said as she looked back down at her copy of the Lucille Ball autobiography. "Just doing some research." "I see." Quinn said. She touched Rachel's hand. "I mean, how are you? I know Finn Hudson is not the easiest person to get over." Rachel's breath quickened. Finn Hudson was not the person she wanted to talk about right now, or ever again, and here was his pregnant ex-girlfriend bringing the schmuck up! "I'm fine Quinn." She said coarsely. "No you're not. You've given all you have to Glee, and now you're writing about what? Hurt women?" Rachel took a breath. Who was she? This was ridiculous. "Finn is a good man, Rachel. What I did to him, was horrendous. I hit that man where no man wants to be hit...his confidence. It's not you he's unsure of, it's himself." Rachel couldn't believe her ears. She threw a couple of books in her bag, and got up. "I have to go now. I've got places to be, things to do." As Rachel turned to walk away, she heard Quinn say, "But no one to see?"

She turned back around. "Excuse me?" "Rachel, you've cut yourself off. If you want to be with him, or you want to move on, cutting yourself off from the emotion is not the best answer." "Is that what you did with Puck?" Rachel asked. She could see she hit a nerve. "Puck is not Finn." Quinn said back. "You love him. I've known it ever since he joined Glee, and it's the reason I joined Glee, to keep what I knew was what would probably happen, from happening. The problem is, I've always known he loves you." Rachel was breathing so hard, but felt like she couldn't catch her breath. She felt head rushy, dizzy, and she could feel her heart beat so hard, it was like it was going to slam through her chest. Quinn stood up, put her hand on Rachel's shoulder. "He's always loved you. And I know why, you're beautiful, smart and you cared. All I did was call him names and treat him like a man servant. It will be one of my biggest regrets, for the rest of my life. Not losing him, because I realize now we weren't meant to be, but that I treated such an innocent, caring, beautiful man like garbage." Rachel just stood there, stunned. "But it's not his fault. Please, just give him another chance." Rachel shook her head, "I can't wait forever Quinn, and I won't. I have to go." Rachel turned and walked out of that library, more confused then she'd been since before the fight.

***

Finn was a mess. He couldn't make this decision to save his life. Yet, Rachel still wanted nothing to do with him. He tried in the last Glee rehearsal. He tried to grab her hand while they sang "Stickwitu" by the Pussycat Dolls, but Rachel pulled her hand back and walked to the opposite sides of the stage. But Finn, while sad, was really angry at her. How come she couldn't understand what he'd been through? Couldn't she realize that Quinn had destroyed him? But he couldn't hate her, or stay mad at her, because the minute she looks in his general direction, his chest pounds so hard, it feels like Michael Jordan was shooting hoops in there, and balls were dribbling all around.

Finn went to class, went to practices, went home, went to sleep. Those were the last two weeks. He felt defeated, deflated, and empty inside...other than the basketballs. His mother was lost, and she was trying to get him to open up, but Finn just didn't really have it in him.

Finn was laying in bed flipping though tv, waiting for skinemax to start, when he his text message ring went off. He looked at the screen, and it said "Quinn." He took a second, and then opened the text message that said, "Look out your window." He got up, and saw her standing on the curb outside of his house. She motioned for him to come outside. He couldn't believe the nerve! Who did she think she was? But he could see this look on her face that screamed she needed someone. So he snuck out his window, after turning the tv off (he didn't want his mom walking in to see skinemax...again). "What are you doing here?" "Listen Finn," she said as they started walking, "I know what happened with Rachel was tough." He looked down. This wasn't something he really wanted to discuss, especially with the baby mama of mowhawky jr. "Yeah, well it doesn't matter anyway. She hates me now." "Finn, she doesn't hate you. If it isn't obvious to you by now, she loves you." He stopped. That news, while normally the idea of love was cause for a freak out, made him get this warm feeling inside his chest, and a dizzy feeling in his head. "She what?" "Finn, if you didn't know that, you're a dummy. She had always loved you." Finn gave a small smile. "But you can't expect her to hang on forever, waiting for you to decide to love her back."

Finn couldn't believe what he was hearing, from Quinn, of all people. Finn still couldn't suss through the feelings. On the one hand, here was proof that this awesome girl was into him, but he didn't know if he could put himself out there to get hurt again. The last awesome girl he liked, slept with his best friend and got knocked up. "Finn, she's not me. I made a mistake, and I am so sorry for it. This baby may be the best thing that happens to me, like a lot of people say, but how I got to this child was the worst." Quinn said. Finn could see her starting to cry. He couldn't believe it? Had her heart grown back to the spot where it had obviously died? "I don't want you to miss out on something that can change your life, because I didn't have the sense to realize what I had." She placed her hand on his cheek. "Don't punish yourself for my mistakes, and please don't punish Rachel." Finn couldn't find the words. He turned around and walked home, all the while wondering what to do.

***

Glee rehersal was going well. Everyone was singing and dancing well, but there was still that disconnect. As it was over, Mr. Schu asked Rachel and Finn to stay on stage. Then, he told everyone to leave, and he walked out. The two just stood there, on stage, waiting for what they were supposed to be doing. Then, they saw Quinn standing by the piano. "You two, need a time out, and a reality check." Quinn said. Rachel couldn't believe Quinn! What was she doing?! "I'm leaving." Rachel huffed. "Do. Not. Go. Anywhere." Quinn commanded. Rachel stopped, and Quinn took a breath and continued talking. "You both want to be together. I've seen it, everyone has seen it, but you two seem to have missed the memo." Finn didn't remember seeing a memo or an email about anything. "Quinn-" Finn started to say. "Shush!" She commanded. Finn stopped immediately. "You two, need to realize that you should be together."

Rachel starting tearing up. This is not the point she had worked so hard to get to, over the last few weeks. "Rachel, he loves you. But after what I did, he's gun shy, and afraid that he won't be able to keep you happy." Finn nodded, it was true. Rachel looked at him and just took a breath. "Finn, Rachel is a real woman, and she can't keep playing a guessing game of how you feel. You two, need to work this out." Quinn said, as she sat in the audience.

"Rachel, I just-" Finn started to say, but Rachel interrupted in song. She had been listening to the Lady Antebellum song "Need You Now," and it seemed appropriate.

_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor_

_ Reaching for the phone cause I can't fight in anymore. _

Finn joined in the song, thinking about nothing but making Rachel happy.

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind._

_ For me it happens all the time._

_ It's a quarter after 1, I'm all alone and I need you now._

_ I said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control and I need you now._

_ And I don't know how I can do without._

_ I just need you now._

Finn grabbed Rachel's hand. "Rachel, I am so sorry I hurt you. But I want to love you, and I'm ready to love you. I was just scared, scared that I would not be what you wanted, and you'd run screaming." Rachel started to cry, and Finn reached out and used his thumb to wipe away her tears. "Finn, I just couldn't wait anymore." Rachel said, through the tears. "No, I get that. I do. I want to be with you. I want to share me with you."

Rachel couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I love you." She said. When Rachel saw Finn look her in the eyes and say, "I love you too," she began to cry harder. She turned to see the auditorium door close, and Quinn was gone. She turned to Finn, and Finn reached out and grabbed her and lead her in for a kiss. It was soft, gentle, and everything Rachel had imagined their next kiss would be. They separated, looked at each other, and kissed again, and they both knew, they'd found the last person they'd ever kiss.

FIN

* * *

Wow. My first story, done! I would like to thank the academy, Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson and the Minsk.

Read, Review and look for the next story coming soon!!!!

Live and Alone


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